Another Man, But Also Another Woman

When I walked into Whole Foods for lunch today, I noticed a woman give me a sharp look. I’m not sure how to explain it, but having grown up in a somewhat bad neighborhood, I’ve picked up a sense for when people size me up. However, being in a Whole Foods in Tribeca, I felt safe enough to ignore her and continued on my way towards the buffet.

As I perused today’s food offerings, I again felt a presence behind me. Out of the corner of my eye I could see it was the woman again, and when I jumped over to the next buffet table, she stayed behind me. I decided to just ignore her and I started scooping chickpea salad into my brown to-go box. The woman spoke:

“Honey?! What are you doing here?!” she asked accusingly.

I ignored her for a few seconds, hoping that her husband was actually somewhere in the vicinity. But I felt her eyes burning into the back of my skull, and I turned around.

“Oh my God…I thought you were my husband!” she gasped.

“Oh…” I muttered before she quickly left the buffet section.

I for some reason imagine that she was afraid her husband was having an affair. Maybe her husband had just had the affair and was appeasing his post-coital hunger, or perhaps he was meeting his mistress at the Whole Foods cafeteria.

Either way, I’m glad the affair is over.