Ticket To Ride

There’s a man on my block who gets a parking ticket every day.

No, it’s not me, though I often have nightmares about getting a parking ticket where I break down and cry. Instead, it is a man who drive a large jeep with no rear window. Instead of a rear window, he creates a new one every morning, using duct tape and torn garbage bags.

Every night, with the neighborhood fast asleep, a cat looking for temporary shelter or a young hooligan looking to complete a very easy gang initiation breaks open his ephemeral back window. The next morning, the cycle repeats. It is a daily ritual that has driven me nearly berserk. Of course, I understand that not everybody has the money to replace a whole rear window, especially on an early 90’s jeep, but I imagine that after a year or so he’ll have spent the money needed to do so on duct tape and his sanity.

“Who is this man?” I often wonder…

I’ve only heard him speak once. He pulled up behind somebody that was parking, and noticing they left some space in front of them, he yelled out, “Yo, could you move your car forward all the way?!” The woman did so, and he jumped out with duct tape and a box of garbage bags.

Again, while his daily routine has stupefied me, I more or less understand. However, what I haven’t been able to understand is why he gets a parking ticket every day without any form of repercussion. The second part of his daily routine is grabbing the parking ticket on his front window and throwing it through his newly torn back window.

Excuse me, but, what? Can you do this? Can you just never pay parking tickets? I used to always laugh at movies or shows where people claim they have 20 speeding tickets, because I’m pretty sure after 5 you get automatically arrested. No cop in his right mind will just give a speeder a 19th ticket and say, “Well, I hope he either pays or learns his lesson this time.” But I guess meter maids really don’t have the authority or ability to do anything. As long as he never gets pulled over by a police officer, he’ll probably be fine.

Which brings me to my conclusion: this guy is a cop himself!!!

How else could he drive around so casually with what must be thousands of dollars worth of parking tickets on his record?

Basically, he gets pulled over every now and then and he just shows his badge. He doesn’t keep any police identification in his car because it would get stolen through the rear window!

I honestly came up with this conclusion as I wrote this. I'd like to thank the Boxcar Children, the Hardy Boys, and Nancy Drew.