The Dash Button

There's something that exists on Amazon called the Dash button. If you've not heard of it, I'll let Google explain:

Amazon Dash Button is a Wi-Fi connected device that reorders your favorite product with the press of a button. Each Dash Button is paired with a product of your choice, which is selected during the set-up process. When you're running low, simply press Dash Button—ensuring you never run out of your essentials again.

Maybe I'm an idiot, but whenever I think about the implications of this dash button, my brain makes a noise like somebody put their tie into the disc changer. 

Firstly, can you imagine needing something so quickly that you just wanted to press a button? A single button. The only thing I can imagine is maybe sex, though that's at best a sexist fantasy and at worst illegal. And it still would take two days on Amazon Prime's delivery schedule.

"Damn, I'd like sex, fuck it, next day delivery."

Not to mention all the packages I miss because they only deliver when I work. Can you imagine coming home to a note that says, "You missed out on some sex. Will try again another time."?

I already get that note every Sunday morning.

But seriously, if you run of Tide, and instead of logging into your laptop and ordering it like an adult, you just want to press a button, please sit down and reconsider your entire life. The credit card era has already limited us to certain stores and erased our perception of cost. An era where people just press buttons and it all gets paid by a mythical account means you'll a. go broke without knowing it, and b. be chained to a specific brand for no reason other than convenience.

And if you have a dog, get ready to come home one day to 300 boxes of Folgers coffee.